It is a bit demoralizing to have your own family say you are not doing enough as it regards the finances of the household. But to be perfectly honest when you know your best will never be enough how do you deal with that. Get better or run away? Knowing myself I have always been a stickler for my own complacency so I always push myself further.
Relatively when things were going great, I never argued and asked for more from my parents. I was silently content. Now that the hammer has fallen (family debt, relatives leaving), everyone is trying to wring my neck, this surprised me and was hard to deal with at first. Being quiet and humble as I was, I thought family members would have understood the situation and not want to make diamonds out of dirt.
I had yet to learn human behavior was selfish in its basic form. Even I was selfish but I kept it quiet and never bothered anyone with it, I would always say “if I can’t get it, a just so!” (If I can’t get it, oh well”). Unfortunately everything has fallen on me, everybody is looking to me to save them, well where did I leave my cape?
I am not any superhero even though I like the mystique I cannot save everybody. But knowing me I will try, I have to. This is my family after all, who am I to leave them in their lowest moment. Someone is got to deal with the finances but me being a entrepreneur probably makes the least favorite candidate. I would rather invest some of my money to make more money rather than buy a fancy luxury that we do not need. My logical cost managing would have me buy what we need, buying it at the right place and avoid frivolous food items that cost too much and have little usage value.
But it is funny how things turn out when I was starving myself to make sure my mother could eat, family lamented I was not doing enough…get a better job they said. Now that I got a better job, food was on the table for the family every day at my expense, then I heard, I was not doing enough…no one wants to eat chicken back, they want steak and fish they said
It only takes a while to realize that “jumping” is an art form, they want you to take the risk and when it comes to time to pull you up from the hole they are nowhere to be found. I have no problems taking responsibility and taking a few lumps I am a good manager of my risk but that does not mean I am going to do it endlessly, I am only human. Sometimes it is best to do what you can and not overexert yourself, especially when people do not appreciate what they have and get.
I will not overexert myself for family that do not want to see me achieve nothing more other than feeding them, find a problem with me saving money or investing it in my personal affairs and entrepreneurial ventures. They only appreciate me for what I can give, If I give less than the requisite amount they assume I should give they get offended.
I get tired of people telling me how to manage my personal finances and people in general using my kindness like a washing rag (rinse, repeat, right?). I Know my family well now, so I can prepare my moves more carefully with their needs and wants, with a minimum having a small allowance for splurging now and then. I know what it is like to be hungry for days at a time and you still have to work with the stagnant pain and weakness, it is not a good feeling. Trust me when I tell you, invest in your development, save your money even if it is a little of it, you may never know if your going to need it later. Me, well I am going to make sure that me and family’s future is bright and lush but that requires discipline, as I learned the little you have today is gone tomorrow just as easily.
David Shaw is a certified nerd and scum of the earth. Jamaican by birth, he enjoys long walks and the simple things in life. He is also an entrepreneur, writer and graphic designer. You can follow his mundane madness on twitter @davidcs_aw