They are too many times I am faced with this nagging drive to give up and tell everybody that looks towards me to save them to go off where the sun do not shine. Naturally, I would get immediately called a bastard if I do that, so what is it to me to do such a thing.
I am not genuinely close to my birth family and right now they have pretty much ostracized me because I am not treating them like a royal family in their old age. My best is not good enough for them. They wanted all the benjamins thrown their way. This along with my other siblings helping them. But there are my parents plus since my personality is relatively immune to hate their behavior more amuses me and I still buy food to put in that house.
My girlfriend is a different issue as she makes me happy. She works on and off and has one child but expenses come now and then. Any parent can currently tell you that maintaining children mill the money out of your pocket like a vacuum. I apologize if that comparison might be a bit hard but let us be real, the responsibility of children is not something, that only involves buying food for feeding them. A child’s future is determined by the amount of effort put into the child’s development, some of this effort is free and sometimes exhausting, some require a cash donation and debt creating. A child is not an investment, it is more of a charity you doing it for their benefit not yours.
I live only with my mother, my father ran from his responsibilities like a smart bastard, hopefully I do not become him. Regardless my mother hated the fact that I budgeted and miserly considered the food we bought. Where she would prefer me to just buy food in general. This is mainly because I usually skip over expensive products for relatively cheap products bought usually in bulk. She thinks I do not care about her. But I do, I care about her so much that I prefer her eating food she kind of likes everyday in contrast to eating food she loves and adores a few days in the week, with her starving the other days of the week.
My mother has come to see what I have been saying for so long. I still try my best, but the house used to take out a heavy majority of my salary to maintain.
It really comes down to how much I care about each, I suppose some would say I should not have a woman at such a young age, well I am 24, not that young. In addition she was there for me when I had nothing (no Job, no social life etc.) that is not something I can just forget. But I realize now why most men end up taking the philosophy of just hitting and running cause if they were to try and find the money to take care of those children, they might have to rob a bank (they could just get a job or two though…).
I had noted early on in the relationship she was asking a lot of me. With my current stress at the time I firmly budgeted for these little luxuries accordingly (sure I will take you out….next month). As time passed I was there when others failed and respect grew slowly as she realized who was truly in her circle. I avoided arguing with her about money most of the time, as that would make little sense because:
1. It would make her feel bad about it. (Women do not like when men feel like their gold-diggers)
2. It was really up to me to control it, if I cannot control it, I was screwing up on my end.
3. Controlling someone’s behavior (like in this case spending habits) is a BAD idea even arguing about it is a no-no, if they are like that to begin with leave it be or if you cannot take it, do not bother with the relationship.
After almost three years of the relationship, she has respected my decisions, especially since I become the only person that has stood by her side all this time. I made sure running out of money halfway through month is a difficult thing to happen now. I always save and have money on hand at the end of the month.
I learned my lesson from the first paycheck I got from my first job when life goaded me into a spending spree. The funny thing is 90% of the stuff would have been considered essential to living (bills, food etc.) but back then I did not know of places to buy things I needed more cheaply, cheap substitutes and how to live more money efficient.
You live you learn right. But the old fashioned 9 to 5 may not satisfy the requisite amount to offset all these costs, I am living testament and proof of that. So after many months of helping each side I learned how to deal with people in my life and in general and manage my assets more adequately, no not money, the key to wealth is not how much money you have, it comes down to two things. What assets you have and how you utilize them.
I still contemplate whether I should run or not, but I really do not want to become like my father. Is it wrong for me to even be thinking it, maybe nevertheless it is a natural human reaction so why the guilt?
Rationalizing about this issue, I think it is because I always try my best for the people around me even if I manage it like a dictator for their sake. I do not want to run, I do not want to give up, I am at heart a fighter if the challenge is really that tough, I train myself harder (get more skilled) and get stronger (get more assets). Find out the weaknesses of the opponent (research the obstacle so you can utilize your assets better against it) and Study the battlefield (research to find opportunities for exploitation).
I will not run, it is not in my bones no matter how much I think of it, I know what needs to be done and I will not fail, I cannot fail, they are counting on me to save them.
David Shaw is a certified nerd and scum of the earth. Jamaican by birth, he enjoys long walks and the simple things in life. He is also an entrepreneur, writer and graphic designer. You can follow his mundane madness on twitter @davidcs_aw