I have been though the typical problem of dealing with people holding me down. Usually you can recognize this as people tend to not hide their desire to see you fall like the rain. Though what if the person holding you back, scheming against you, trying to turn you into their puppet or worse destroy you was closer than you think. A family member, friend, your own soul mate even, yes I know that is hard to stomach indeed.
The people closest to you are usually the most trusted, relied and loved. That is natural for a typical human. You know what else is typical for a normal human, being a jackass at times. We are all human, we are not perfect and unfortunately, it pains me to say it as I wish it was not true. But people are innately selfish, essentially innately human. A lot people are jackasses to one another more often than not, actually some people turn this into a competition for their own amusement much to the targets’ chagrin.
Naturally this is all normal really friends and family have arguments now and then. True love prevails in the end and brings everyone together in harmony again. So these scuffles, disagreements and arguments are part of a process which tends to make the relationship stronger or show the incompatibility between the parties in question.
It is usually not something to ponder to any lengthy degree. But as you realize some people in your life might take it a step further, might not only want to have their way in the relationship but might even want to bring you down in a effort to supplement their own deficiency and make themselves feel better.
This is sometimes done under guise, never in the face of the target person. They would do little things most likely without your knowledge. They know these things will hurt you so they do not flaunt it to protect the relationship (or better yet the benefits of the relationship). When you do find out, excuses and apologies swarm out. This way the abuse might go on for a long time with the malicious intent never fully becoming apparent.
Finding it out might take a kicking the dog action that eventually pushes you over the edge of your normal tolerance and make you realize you facing an enemy not an ally. To be perfectly honest hiding it, is not a saving action or proof they actually cared about the relationship. It just proved they want the relationship to continue for their own benefit.
Under the assumption they never really cared about you, they would never have made the decision to do something like that to hurt you. Hiding instead of coming clean might have been a selfish move by some people’s standards, though to them their saving their own integrity, but not considering yours in the situation which is selfish.
Then there is the aspect of seeing the full brutal intent in its finest form with the behavior to emphasize it. Unfortunately since you the victim loves the aggressor so much they silently forgive them saying they are always like that…
Malicious intent is malicious intent, if you apologize for them you’re just conditioning the behavior which is as bad as giving them a million dollars for it. That will not end it, but solidify it and make it norm. Even though people know they can do better, they usually fall back into arms and company of people who do not really care about them. Is your love misplaced, is it not true, can someone so close be that evil to you? It should be noted people who are evil to certain people, might love other people with such tender care you find it hard to believe it is the same person.
But that is the point you need to realize it might be just YOU, then the illusion of that person’s supposed love for you might not seem so real. You have to remember everybody is human even you, if you can do it so can they. Just because you love them, does not mean they will automatically love you. Lovelorn is what they call it but I call it life.
We all go through this to some extent, finding a lover that you are really into but you know in your heart to him/her your just another one. You and your sisters are best friends but the younger brother is just not your cup of tea really.
People are not that much different from children, as discipline is needed for adults just as much. It is just that society is the system that incorporates this discipline on adults through the legal system, police authorities, social ethics, business and public regulators etc.
But each person has things they do not take or stand in certain situations, It is within the power and reasoning of your best interest to let people know where you stand on certain things. It is not overly strict for people to be asked to do this to one another. But I reason it like this, it is better for everyone involved to be straight with each other and know exactly whether compromise can be reached or not.
If it cannot all parties should part ways, not fight and bicker like children. If many people practiced this, it would be a world of help, the world would be a tad more peaceful when people just agree to let go and move on.
Someone probably going to shout “How could you say that, everyone should be one happy unified human race!” Right sure let us have a party with a bunch of porn stars, the Pope, Satan, Sadam and Muhammad (actually let us not).
The thing about unity is that it only happens when people have a common goal, mission, ideology or desire. The more people involved the harder this is to do. Unless there is going to be alien invasion that is going to destroy the planet there is an unlikelihood of any human race unity towards anything else other than survival, one of the most basic desire known to man.
We all still hope that as humans we can put aside our differences for more complex and slightly improbable desires such as peace, equality and benevolent politics. As cynical as I am, I still hope and strive for this as I desire a better world. We have to realize each of us are different and sometimes you have to let the people that are not in your best interest go on with their lives.
You will have people that despise certain things about you; you can try to change that and all can come to a tolerable understanding. But you have remember you cannot change people’s core personality only their behavior, so just because you and your detractors, hecklers and enemies might seem cool, you are not, they probably talking and scheming behind your back remember yourself and keep aware of the people close to you.
David Shaw is a certified nerd and scum of the earth. Jamaican by birth, he enjoys long walks and the simple things in life. He is also an entrepreneur, writer and graphic designer. You can follow his mundane madness on twitter @davidcs_aw