When I think about my atheist beliefs, it makes me wonder sometimes what could have been. The thing is I never discarded my beliefs in a God due to someone’s persuasion or following the social trends. My belief died when my belief was wavering I saw stupidities that sickened me and made me wonder. Then I went through the worst period of my life and when I asked, begged for a reprieve, like many humans that are backed into corners I got none it only got worst. My faith and hope died from then on.
During that period of fading faith it was not just stuff that happened to me, it was what I saw, what occurred around me that made me colder to any thought that hope and innate good was prevalent. Worse to see these believers hypocritically walk in church when I know their sins, they would not even at least give a penny to any of the people who beg on the street, no, they would not.
I suppose I maybe did not give my skepticism at the time much of a fight, but it is funny now because my life is actually better than back then when I was hopped up on the possibility that a creator existed.
Well I guess that depends, some people would rather prefer my earlier lifestyle when I had less responsibilities, a lot of friends, good family relations and a good support system. People might prefer my current one because I am working, highly skilled and determined, on my own, confident in myself, have few people who truly love me, my interests are my job so every day is like an adventure never boring. I prefer my current through.
I used to use this as an example to make myself believe that maybe It was good my faith died. But in actually I would be wrong to use such an example. My behavior and the way I did things changed, that is why I am the man I am today not because of that event. I do not mistake that my dead faith, skepticism and lack of hope did lead or influenced me to change certain behaviors that has lead to this seemingly “better life” in my opinion.
So the question is really would I have came out into the same person I am today if I was still relying on God. I do not know and I will never know as I cannot reverse back time and would I want to? Nay I think about it at times but regret it I do not, maybe it was meant to be, written even.
My girlfriend once told me, she felt like God sent me to be there for her, based on my knowledge on the Bible I highly doubt that to be true but I do not put down her faith for her God, I just say maybe I am, maybe it was meant to be that way.
David Shaw is a certified nerd and scum of the earth. Jamaican by birth, he enjoys long walks and the simple things in life. He is also an entrepreneur, writer and graphic designer. You can follow his mundane madness on twitter @davidcs_aw