If anyone told me, seeing my ex-girlfriend in the hands of another man was going to hurt I would have nothing to say. Because I cannot consider the idea much less the imagery of it. Now I can see it clearly cannot hide from my broken dreams. Friends tell me to get a new girlfriend to even the score. But when I saw that and had it burned into my cortex I smiled, actually, I am happy, I am going to tell you why.
That was what she wanted. Someone to able to take care of and have fun with. Fell in love I did, with this woman, so my feelings on the situation has become more reflective not backbiting. Taking care of her, I failed at. Was never able to take care of her with my small salary, we struggled and I got stressed. One bad question in an argument we had sealed the relationship’s fate.
Find a place to put your head before you find a place to put your cock I say.
I had a dream to put her and her son up in a house, buy a car and live life like there was no tomorrow. That dream is dead and broken, she does not need me anymore. Crushed into a drenched berry stain on her clothes this new man has his hand all over, is my memory now.
Get over it…
Now my heart was being sundered by a thousand swords, lances, glancing at that picture of her. Bad thoughts swirled in my mind. But I realized something, she was happy, truly happy. What should I feel bad about?
Do you not love her?
Yes, but that should be me.
But do you not love her?
Then let her go and let her find her happiness even if it is not you…
No apology can rescue this, this is why I swore I will never trouble her and contact her. I will let her go and let her live her life. Actually, the business we started with her name in it “Monchy and Andy” is another issue. I made the business with both our nicknames, I should remove the Monchy which is her nickname.
Really, quite a conundrum…
But here is the problem, I lost my motivation. The main reason why it hurt so much when I lost her, is because she was my motivation. Monchy and Andy was a idea that anyone’s dream is possible, just like my dream to take both me and her out of poverty.
I wanted to use this company to help entrepreneurs to reach the success they crave, like me and her. But here I am without no motivation, a business with no partner and a sense of lost I cannot find. But I realized something I lost my girlfriend because I was stressed and broke, that man holding her looks like he has money something I never had.
Money, i do not have. If I did we would be living good. Maybe my friends are right maybe she ate me out. But if I was rich she would stay and eat me out, at least I would still be enjoying her to this day.
Ah good luck!
In all of this I know my motivation now, I am going to keep her nickname in the company name. My goal, my ultimate goal is to bring up Monchy and Andy to a level we can help any poor young man or on hard times female to get the success, their ultimate goal and live good.
They will not have to rely on anybody except the employees they hire. No one can say anything to them, just like no one can say anything to me when I stand on top of this world, I desire the power to make changes in my country, empower the unemployed youth and make sure they never have to go through this pain and struggle to make a living.
That relationship made it clear to me that people need a platform to seek their dreams, Monchy and Andy is that platform. That is my motivation, I probably will not ever see her again, but I will realize our ideals for everyone’s sake.
In memory of Monchy, Sandy, Deezie…. Take care.
David Shaw is a certified nerd and scum of the earth. Jamaican by birth, he enjoys long walks and the simple things in life. He is also an entrepreneur, writer and graphic designer. You can follow his mundane madness on twitter @davidcs_aw