How do I feel? Somewhere between on the edge and comforted, wait now that I think about it I am never comfortable unless I am on the edge. Life for me is like this when you are chasing your dreams while studying, while juggling a relationship, with every choice over you like a hanging scythe. Take away a large amount of money, sleep and you have my life, a stressed paradise.
Written on a number of occasions on this phenomenon happening, where the stress is high but I am at my peak in happiness. It is almost like the stress of current work and the future work I have pushes me, enlightens me even. But I never pinpoint why it is like this, though?
There was a time I said the work really made me happy in itself which is true. I am a workaholic, if I am not doing something, I get bored. Even when I am resting, my mind creates and crafts stories, so even when I am resting I am working (I write for a living I might add).
Now my happiness is a bit higher than usual, it is also stable. It is not coming from just my workaholic trait. Happiness off the grind of work would be defined as a short burst of happiness which usually does not last long. Maybe it is because I know everything will be alright?
To be honest much of my bitching and past episodes of depression were caused by that perception I was going to the doghouse my mother kept talking about. The analogy goes like this, you have a house with your own dog in a doghouse on the property of the house. Then because of bad choices and unluckiness you find yourself living in the doghouse instead of the house on the property where the doghouse is situated in.
Ouch, that hurts, it be humiliating to find yourself going so far down in life. But I assumed that was where I would be going if I failed to achieve my goal of being an entrepreneur. That was why I worked so hard against the stress, pushing against the struggle.
Here I am years later, realizing everything will be alright. Rest assured things will play out to my advantage because I worked hard on them working that way. This makes me happy, as the stability is what I wanted. That is what is making me happy knowing my future is going to be bright.
The edge I am on is my stage, I am the master, as I designed it. Standing on the edge looking down on the faith, I know I can fly over this canyon. I am laughing at the circumstances with anticipation, flapping my wings with no inhibition. Soar I have, to the sun we chase but cannot reach. There is no such thing as true happiness, but that does not mean we should not chase it.
David Shaw is a certified nerd and scum of the earth. Jamaican by birth, he enjoys long walks and the simple things in life. He is also an entrepreneur, writer and graphic designer. Support him on Patreon Check out his work on his website or follow his mundane madness on twitter @davidcs_aw, google, pinterest